Man, this “wethey” thing bugged me for ages. Every time I tried writing quick notes or comments online, I’d stop cold. We or they? I’d stare at the screen like an idiot. Felt like guessing someone’s name – super awkward if you’re wrong. Figured it’s time to sort this mess out proper.
First, I grabbed an old notebook – the dog-eared one I use for grocery lists sometimes. Didn’t want anything fancy. Started scribbling random stuff I actually say: “We need milk,” or “They close at eight.” Real, everyday junk. Noticed I was kinda loose with it. Talking about my family? Might say “We love pasta” one minute, then later grumble “They never do the dishes!” Didn’t make sense. Why flip-flop?
The “Us vs. Them” Lightbulb Moment
Next morning, made a big pot of coffee. Scrapped my notebook gibberish and drew a stupidly simple chart right on my kitchen table using a permanent marker (wife was thrilled). Two columns:
- “WE” Side: Me. My family. My team at work. Basically… my tribe? The people I am.
- “THEY” Side: Neighbors down the street. The city council. That coffee shop with the slow barista. The ones not in my circle.
Sounded harsh, but hey – that’s how English works sometimes. Tested it while walking the dog. Saw Mr. Jenkins who never returns my lawnmower. Thought: “They borrow stuff and vanish.” Not “we.” Boom. Felt that click.
Where I Kept Screwing Up
Lunchtime. Tried writing a dumb tweet about my neighbor’s barking dog. Brain froze again. Why? Realized something huge. Was talking about people connected to me, but not part of “me.” Like, that dog? Belongs to the people next door – I share a fence with ’em, but they’re not my family. Not “we.” That’s “they.” Felt like kicking myself. Years of messing this up!
Also caught myself doing something else stupid. When talking about companies or groups I use, but don’t work for. Like saying “We changed our return policy” about some big store. Nope! If I don’t make the rules there? It’s “They changed their return policy.” Seems tiny, but man, it changes the meaning.
How I Practice Now (Without Looking Like A Weirdo)
Started doing this simple check in my head before writing “we” or “they”:
- Am I talking about my actual self, my blood family, or the people who sign my paycheck? WE.
- Is it anyone else? The lady at the DMV, the guys running Netflix, the neighbors playing loud music? THEY.
Works like a charm. Even started correcting myself out loud quietly. Said “we gotta pay taxes” once, immediately thought: “Nah, bud. YOU gotta pay taxes. The government? THEY want your money.” Felt ridiculous. But it stuck.
Point is? Don’t overthink it like I did. Draw your stupid table. Ask the simple tribe question: “Am I inside this group, or just outside looking in?” Inside = We. Outside = They. Saved me a ton of hesitation. Feels cleaner.