Just got my hands on Tank Wrestler yesterday. Total disaster at first. Kept getting slammed, flipped, and pinned before I even knew what button did what. Felt like a drunk turtle stuck on its back. But hey, I stuck with it, banged my head against the controls for a few hours, and figured out some basic stuff that actually works. If you’re new like me, forget the fancy moves. Start with this:
My First Try: Button Mashing Nightmare
Jumped straight into an online match. Big mistake. I pressed every button like crazy. Didn’t look at the character model or the arena edges. Just smash smash smash. Predictably, I got tossed out of the ring in like ten seconds flat. Three times in a row. Embarrassing. Lesson learned: Don’t just hammer buttons. You gotta know what each button does. Like, press one button at a time in practice mode and actually watch what happens. Sounds dumb, but it works.
Rule Number Two: Glue Your Eyes to Your Tank
Next match, I was so worried about what the other guy was doing, I lost track of my own tank. Ended up backing straight off the ledge. Again. Felt so stupid. Seriously, keep your eyes locked on your own character. See which way it’s facing? See where its arms or legs are positioned? That tiny blue gauge under your health? Yeah, that’s your balance meter. Ignore it, and you’re tipping over before you can blink. Watch YOUR tank like a hawk.
Learning to Stand My Ground (Literally)
Tried being fancy, running around the ring. Bad idea. Moving fast made me wobbly as hell. Some dude just stood still, waited, and shoved me the moment I got close. Splat. Plant your damn feet. Hold down that block button or whatever it’s called (it feels like bracing). Get stable before you try anything. Feels weird just standing there, but it stops you from falling over so easy. Stability first. Then maybe try moving.
The Grapple Gut-Punch
I saw guys grabbing each other, so I spammed the grab button constantly. Got grabbed right back every single time. Frustrating! Finally realized: You grab ONLY when you’re right in their face. See their tank stretching an arm out? That’s probably a grab attempt. That’s your moment! Try a quick attack to interrupt them, or step sideways. If YOU want to grab? Get close enough to smell the oil, wait half a second to make sure they’re not attacking, then grab. Timing is everything.
Accepting the Losses
Kept getting my ass handed to me. Started getting annoyed. Tried harder moves, got smashed faster. Forget winning right now. Seriously. Your only job? Stay on your feet. Stay inside the ring. Try maybe one simple throw. That’s it. Play matches against the AI on the easiest setting. Practice just standing strong and pushing back. Survive longer than 30 seconds. Consider THAT a win when you’re new. Wins come later.
Why am I telling you this? Because I wasted two hours being utterly useless before slowing down. Followed these five dumb simple things today, and suddenly I lasted a whole minute against a real player without getting instantly flipped. Felt amazing. Forget the complex combos. Do this first:
- Learn your buttons one by one.
- Watch YOUR tank, not just the enemy.
- Plant your feet and get stable.
- Grab ONLY up close and timed right.
- Focus ONLY on surviving longer.
Master these boring basics. Everything else builds on it. Trust me.