Started this morning thinking about Kevin, my buddy who somehow always makes people feel good. Wanted to figure out his secret sauce for being such a solid friend.
The Observation Phase
First, I tailed Kevin for a whole week like a detective. Not creepy-stalker style, just paid mega attention. Noticed three big things right away:
- He never half-listens – When Tom talked about his goldfish dying? Kevin put his damn phone away and made eye contact. Like the fish was his own.
- He remembers the dumb stuff – Asked Lisa how her mom’s cactus surgery went two months after she mentioned it. Who does that?
- Zero judgment zone – Mike confessed he still sleeps with a childhood teddy bear. Kevin just nodded and said “Soft toys rule.”
My Test Runs
Armed with notes, I tried copying Kevin’s moves at Dave’s BBQ yesterday. Step-by-step:
Step 1: When Dave started ranting about work, I physically turned my whole body toward him. Almost spilled my beer doing it. Felt awkward as hell.
Step 2: Remembered Dave’s kid won some robotics contest last month. Asked about it mid-rant. His anger switched to proud-dad mode instantly. Magic!
Step 3: New guy Pete admitted he’d never ridden a bike. Laughed at first – then remembered Kevin’s no-judgment rule. Shut my mouth and said “Wanna learn? I’ve got an extra helmet.”
The Mess-Up & Recovery
Totally botched it when Sarah talked about her messy breakup. I jumped straight to problem-solving mode – “You should block him!” – like an idiot. Saw her face close up. Panic!
Pulled a Kevin save: Admitted I screwed up. Said “Actually? Forget advice. Wanna just scream into some ice cream?” Got the first real smile all night. She picked mint chocolate chip.
Why This Stuck
Real talk? Last year sucked. Went through that brutal job layoff phase where half my contacts ghosted. Pretended it didn’t sting.
Kevin noticed. Noticed without me sobbing on his shoulder. Just texted “Basketball court. 5pm. Bring your terrible jump shot.”
Shot hoops in silence for 20 minutes before he said “HR’s loss.” That moment? That’s the core of all Kevin’s friendship voodoo. Shows up. Sees you. Doesn’t make it a whole therapy session.
Still copying that man step by step.