Alright folks, buckle up because today’s adventure involved some unwanted winged roommates and a whole lot of nervous energy. You know that sinking feeling when you spot a big, gray papery blob hanging under your porch roof? Yeah. Hornets nest. Not the little wasp kind, these were the big, grumpy hornets. My mission: get it down without turning into a human pincushion. Here’s exactly how I did it.
The Staring Contest
First thing, I stood there like an idiot for way too long, just staring at the damn thing. Maybe ten feet off the ground? Bigger than a soccer ball, buzzing quietly. Super creepy. My brain screamed “RUN!” but my stubbornness whispered “YouTube said it’s possible.” I needed a plan. No way was I winging this.
Gearing Up Like a Mad Scientist
Safety first, right? I raided the house for anything resembling armor.
- Head: Beekeeping hat? Nope. Improvised with an old wide-brimmed sun hat and duct-taped a thick mesh curtain to it. Looked ridiculous, but covered my face.
- Body: Thick winter jacket zipped up to my chin. Hood pulled up tight over my curtain-hat contraption. Thick jeans tucked into…
- Feet & Hands: Heavy winter gloves taped over my jacket sleeves. Work boots tucked jeans into. Duct tape was my best friend here – sealed every possible entry point.
- Chemical Arsenal: Grabbed a bottle of soapy water (dish soap + water) and a can of WD-40 from the garage. Why both? Saw it suggested online. Soap clogs them, WD-40 supposedly disorients and is flammable? Also grabbed a bucket of plain water and a long pole.
Felt like I was getting ready for chemical warfare. Sweaty already, and I hadn’t even stepped outside yet!
The Sneak Attack
Waited until dusk. They’re way less active then, more sluggish. Less chance of an angry mob chasing me. Moved slow and quiet, bucket in one hand, soap spray in the other, pole resting nearby. My heart was hammering. Approached cautiously from the side, avoiding the main entrance at the bottom. Took a deep breath.
The Big Spray Down
This was the scary part. Lifted the soap spray bottle first and just absolutely drenched the nest entrance and as much of the outer surface as I could reach. A whole lotta soapy water. Saw a couple of hornets try to crawl out… then just fall off, covered in soap. Felt brutal but necessary. Immediately swapped to the WD-40 and sprayed that directly into the entrance hole and all around it. The smell was intense. Held my breath (well, as much as you can while scared).
Knocking it Down
Gave it like a 60-second pause – longest minute of my life listening to the muffled angry buzz slow down. Grabbed the long pole. Positioned the bucket of plain water underneath the nest. Took aim… WHACK! Hit the supporting branch right at the base of the nest. It broke free! THUMP! Fell right into the bucket with a huge splash. Slammed the lid on top instantly.
The Runaway & Cleanup
Didn’t hang around! Dropped the pole, grabbed the closed bucket (thank god the lid was tight!), and power-walked like my butt was on fire to the far corner of my yard. Left the bucket there, lid on tight, to let whatever survivors expire. Went back later that night. Carefully poured kerosene into the bucket (while wearing all my gear again, just in case), soaked it, and lit it. Burned the whole thing clean. Removed every trace I could find.
So yeah, it worked. Didn’t get stung once. Felt like a champ. Main takeaways? Over-prepare. Dress like a fool if it saves you. Attack at night with soap first. And honestly? That WD-40 tip seemed solid – might have been the knockout punch after the soap slowed them down. Never been so glad to just cook spaghetti quietly in my own kitchen afterwards.