Alright friends, this whole Christie Sides thing? Yeah, that was a real eye-opener, taught me some tough lessons. Figured I’d share my journey trying to fix what I messed up. This ain’t easy to lay bare, but maybe it helps someone.
The Mess I Made
Let me be blunt: I screwed up badly with Christie. For months. It wasn’t one big thing, but a whole pile of little things I kept tripping over.
Here’s where things went south:
- Ignoring the grumbles: She’d mention little stuff bothering her – like how I always got busy when she wanted to talk, or forgot things that mattered to her. I’d brush it off thinking “It’s nothing.” Mistake number one right there.
- Jumping straight to fixing: Hear a problem? Bam! I’d start handing out solutions without even properly listening. She wasn’t looking for my genius fix, dude, she wanted me to get it.
- Vanishing Act: When stuff got tense? Instead of sticking around like a grown-up, I’d find some urgent work excuse to bolt. Classic avoidance. Made her feel totally unimportant.
- Piling On: Old arguments? Yep, I’d drag them back out when we were fighting about something new. Like kicking someone when they’re already down. Just dumb.
Felt like we were constantly walking on eggshells. Conversations died fast. Started getting that cold shoulder vibe. Total disconnect. I knew I was losing her, and honestly? I felt paralyzed, stuck repeating the same garbage. Kept telling myself “next time I’ll do better,” but “next time” kept looking the same.
The Wake-Up Call
The big crash came after a small thing blew up – as usual. She’d been trying to tell me something important about her weekend plans with family, and I half-listened while scrolling through emails. When I inevitably got it wrong later, she just… shut down. Closed up shop. No yelling, just this exhausted quiet. The “I’m done” kind. That hit me like a gut punch. Realized I wasn’t just messing up moments; I was wrecking trust, brick by stupid brick.
Starting to Dig Out
No quick fixes there. Had to face the music. Started slow:
Swallowing the Pride: Sat her down. No excuses, no justifications. Just straight up: “I’ve been messing up. Badly. I need to fix this, and I know the mess is mine.” Apologies are cheap; I needed to own the damage. Told her exactly which patterns I saw – the ignoring, the fixing, the bolting, the piling on – and said they needed to stop.
Shutting Up & Actually Hearing: This was HARD. Started forcing myself to put everything down – phone, laptop, my own dang thoughts – when she talked. Looked at her. Asked questions just to understand, not to respond. “Tell me more about that?” “That sounds frustrating, what part bothered you most?” Felt weird at first, like wearing shoes on the wrong feet. But slowly, it started working.
Asking, Not Assuming: Stopped playing the mind-reader game. Instead of diving in with “fixes,” started asking: “Are you looking for ideas to fix this, or just need me to listen right now?” Changed the whole dynamic. Simple question, massive difference.
Staying Put: When tension crept in? I forced myself to plant my feet. Told myself: “You’re staying. Even if it sucks, even if you feel useless. Stay. Breathe. Be present.” Removed the escape hatches. Learned to sit with the uncomfortable feeling instead of fleeing.
Trash the Old Baggage: Made a mental pact: today’s issue is today’s issue. No bringing in yesterday’s or last month’s garbage. It was like cleaning out a hoarded closet – felt lighter immediately.
Where It’s At Now
Not gonna lie, this ain’t a fairy tale ending. Relationships ain’t light switches. Trust rebuilds brick-by-brick after you knock the wall down. But here’s the shift:
- Conversations go deeper. Last longer. They don’t die on the vine.
- That constant tension? Faded way back. Not gone, but manageable.
- Small wins feel huge. Like when I remembered that thing she told me? Got a genuine smile.
The biggest lesson drilled into my thick skull? Relationships aren’t about being right, or efficient, or avoiding discomfort. They’re about showing up, consistently, attentively, putting the other person first. My old habits were all self-serving shortcuts – ignoring stuff was easier for me, bolting felt safer for me. Fixing instead of listening made me feel useful. It was all about me. Wrong focus.
So yeah, fixing this mess meant unlearning a bunch of bad habits and learning to actually be there. It’s still work every single day. Some days I slip up. But I’m trying, consistently. And Christie? She’s seeing the effort. That effort itself starts rebuilding the bridge. Still got miles to go, but at least we’re walking together now. Feels a whole lot better than standing on opposite sides of a mess I made.