Well, let me tell you about this thing, “home sweet home smtv.” It’s a mouthful, ain’t it? Sounds fancy, but it’s just somethin’ on that there TV box, I reckon. This here home sweet home, it’s about findin’ a place, a good place to put your feet up.
They say this fella, Halphas, he’s lookin’ for a place. A cool place. Not like outside when the sun’s beatin’ down on ya and you’re sweatin’ buckets. Nope, gotta be cool like the shade under a big ol’ oak tree.
This smtv, it’s like a game, I guess. People playin’ it gotta find things. Like when I lose my spectacles, and I gotta hunt all over the house for ’em. Only this is on the TV, not in real life.
This game, it’s got somethin’ called “vengeance”. Sounds mean, don’t it? Like gettin’ back at someone who done ya wrong. Maybe like when ol’ Bessie the cow kicked me last summer. I wanted vengeance, I tell ya! But this here home sweet home smtv vengeance, it’s just part of the game.
They say this vengeance thing, it’s got all sorts of new-fangled stuff. “QOL,” they call it. Don’t ask me what that means. Sounds like some government program. They say it’s got better music. Like that fancy music box my granddaughter got. Plays all sorts of tunes. And they say this smtv vengeance is faster. Like a greased piglet at the county fair. Can’t catch it!
- Faster combat, they say.
- Higher resolution.
- Better frame rates.
Whatever that means! All these new terms, make my head spin. It’s like the words are made for each other. All these things, I just want to stay at home and watch those TV programs.
This home sweet home thing in the game, it’s a “subquest.” Like a little side job. Gotta find a place for Halphas’ family. Sounds like they got a whole bunch of young’uns. Need a big place, I bet. And cool, gotta be cool. Maybe they should try the well house. Always nice and cool down there.
They talk about somethin’ called “Tokyo Diet Building.” Sounds important. Maybe it’s where they make all them rules and such. Like when they told us we couldn’t sell our eggs at the market without a special permit. Bunch of hooey, I say. This smtv, it’s full of places like that, I reckon.
And you know what I saw the other day? Some words about a walkthrough. Now, I ain’t never heard of a “walkthrough” for a TV thing before. In my day, we just watched what was on and that was that. This walkthrough, though, it’s like a map, I guess. Tells you where to go, what to do. Probably good for these young folks who get lost easy. They need to know what this home sweet home smtv all about.
And it says this walkthrough covers “everything in both stories.” Two stories! Like a house with two floors. Double the trouble, I say. But maybe it’s fun. I don’t know.
This home sweet home thing, it’s popular, I guess. Lots of folks talkin’ about it. They say it’s got “updated strategies.” Like when I figured out a new way to keep the crows out of my garden. Gotta stay one step ahead of them critters.
And “new item locations.” Like hidin’ Easter eggs. Gotta find ’em all. Sounds like a lot of work, to be honest. I’d rather be sittin’ on my porch, watchin’ the world go by. But these young’uns, they like this sort of thing. Keeps ’em outta trouble, I suppose. This smtv, got lots of things like that, I suppose.
They also talk about “unlock conditions”. Sounds like a jail cell, don’t it? Maybe you gotta do somethin’ special to get to the next part. Like findin’ the key to the root cellar. Always gotta jiggle it just right. This home sweet home smtv, it’s probably got lots of locks and keys, I bet.
There’s a reward too! “Unwrit Chaos Periapt x1.” Now what in tarnation is that? Sounds like somethin’ you’d find in a witch’s brew. Maybe it’s good luck. Or maybe it’s just somethin’ shiny to keep the young’uns happy. This home sweet home thing, it’s full of surprises, ain’t it?
So, this home sweet home smtv, it’s a whole lot of somethin’, ain’t it? Lots of runnin’ around, findin’ things, gettin’ vengeance, and lookin’ for a cool place to live. Just like life, I reckon. Only on that there TV box. A home for everyone, that’s what they are looking for in this game, I think.
But you know, like they say, “home sweet home” usually means your home is a nice place. I guess that’s what they’re all searching for in this game, too. A nice place to be, even if it’s just on TV.
