Okay so I got tired of hearing everyone rave about Abstein products without knowing which one actually works. Decided to do my own head-to-head testing last Tuesday. Grabbed all three models from the local store – the basic AbsteinHome, mid-tier AbsteinPro, and fancy AbsteinElite.
Setting up the battle zone
First I cleared my kitchen counter and plugged all three in. Noticed immediately the Pro and Elite feel way heavier than the Home model. Dug through my cabinets for test materials – flour, coffee beans, even chucked in some marbles because why not?
Started with the basic AbsteinHome:
Pros:
– Super quiet like a cat sleeping
– Super simple buttons
Cons:
– Took forever grinding coffee
– Jammed twice with sticky flour
The real surprise
Then tried AbsteinPro:
Holy cow difference! That motor sounds like a mini chainsaw but finished coffee in 8 seconds flat. Handled marbles like they were nothing. Buttons felt kinda cheap though – that plastic click made me worry about longevity.
Saved the AbsteinElite for last:
Got disappointed real quick. Yeah it’s pretty with the touchscreen and rainbow lights, but:
– Took 45 minutes just to set up the damn app
– Ground coffee slightly faster than Pro but costs double?
– Felt like polishing a Lamborghini just to make smoothies
My kitchen became a warzone
Flour dust everywhere, coffee grounds stuck to the ceiling fan (dont ask), and I may have permanently scarred my roommate when marbles shot out sideways. Learned the hard way to use the splash guard EVERY TIME.
After 3 days of testing:
- Basic model? Only if you blend twice a month
- Elite? Waste of cash unless you’re flexing on Instagram
- Pro’s my winner – handles my daily smoothie madness without bankrupting me
Honestly the hype’s real but only for the right model. Your grandma doesn’t need that Elite nonsense. Trust me – my blender war scars prove it.