Y’all got me thinking when my buddy Carl got his cash snatched right outta his sock drawer last month. Ain’t nobody safe these days! So I figured, why not test some old-school hidey holes? Grabbed a stack of twenties – five hundred bucks total – and got dirty.
Plan A: The Vacuum Seal Sneak
First, I ran to Walmart, snatched a cheap food sealer kit and some quart bags. Stuffed a hundred bucks into one bag, smooshed it flat. Ran that vacuum thingy and whoosh – sucked tight like plastic wrap on leftovers. Slid that flat brick of cash straight under the rug beneath my couch. Stepped on it ten times – perfect! No lump, no crinkle. Just quiet carpet.
Plan B: Book Nook
Grabbed this dusty old dictionary nobody opens. Cut a rectangle deep inside the pages with my box cutter – took forever, paper flakes everywhere. Dropped another hundred inside the hole. Looks boring as ever sittin’ on the shelf. Even shook it upside down – money stayed put.
Plan C: Coffeemaker Camouflage
Pulled apart my drip coffeemaker. Found a hollow space near the water tank? Jammed the folded cash deep inside that cavity, wires all around. Slapped it back together. Plugged it in, brewed some Folgers just fine. Hot water, steam? Money stayed dry as desert.
Plan D: The Detergent Dump
Dumped out half a jug of Tide pods into a bucket – smelled like a laundromat exploded. Washed that sucker three times with hot water and soap, til no bubbles were left. Dry as desert inside? Good. Rolled up two hundred bucks real tight, stuffed it in a Ziploc sandwich bag, and dropped it into the detergent jug. Pods back on top. Looks legit sittin’ by the washing machine.
Plan E: Outback Hideaway
Went nuclear for the last spot. Got an old metal ammo can from the shed. Wrapped the final hundred in cling wrap, stuffed it in a thick Ziploc freezer bag, taped the heck out of it. Dug a hole knee-deep behind my crepe myrtle bush behind the garage when my neighbor Dave wasn’t peeking. Dropped the can in, covered it with dirt, stomped it flat. Threw a broken flowerpot over the spot as a marker.
Testing & Aftermath
- Routine Check: Had my niece Sarah “clean” my place three days later. Vacuuming, dusting, straightening books. Found the rug money? Nah.
- Emergency Drill: Asked my pal Earl to pretend to grab valuables fast during an “emergency.” He snatched laptops, jewelry, didn’t touch Tide jug or coffeemaker.
- Weather Test: Left the coffeemaker running for 5 days straight. Water? Working. Cash? Dry as heck.
- Outdoor Rain: Big thunderstorm rolled in that weekend. Dug up the ammo can Sunday morning – bone dry inside, money soggy-free.
Messy? Yeah. Fun? Totally. Learned that hiding money well isn’t fancy. It’s making your cash look boring as a brick in the wall. Wanna peek? Here’s what my test looked like:
TOTAL: $500 hidden. Zero found. And that crusty old dictionary looks even less readable now. Worth it? Bet yer bottom dollar it is.