My Experiment with the King’s Style
Okay so I saw LeBron’s crisp look during the playoffs last month and thought – dang, that man’s hairline stays sharp through 4 quarters. My messy lockdown mop needed upgrading bad. Pulled up YouTube right there on my couch.
Gearing Up
First things first: raided my bathroom like a squirrel hunting nuts. Dug out:
- That basic beard trimmer my wife got me for Christmas
- Hand mirror I stole from a hotel last vacation
- Random hair putty my barber said was “for texture” (never used it)
- Old comb missing every third tooth
The First Attempt Disaster
Tried buzzing my sides with #2 guard – heard that’s what barbers use for fades. Pressed too damn hard near my temple and WHOOSH – permanent racing stripe. Panicked and overcompensated the other side – suddenly had toddler-uneven patches like a mangey stray cat. Grabbed that stupid putty and smeared it everywhere hoping to glue the mess down. Looked like I dipped my head in a chip grease fryer.
Barber School Quick Fix
Swallowed my pride next morning and dragged my patchy head to Rico’s shop. Showed him LeBron pics while he laughed his ass off. Watched him work magic:
- Used TWO trimmers – one heavy-duty for bulk, tiny one for edges
- Made little “C” shapes around my ears like drawing with a pencil
- Blended my disaster zone with this flicking wrist move
- Applied matte paste instead of my greasy crap – just dime-sized dab!
My Home Routine Now
Every dang morning after shower:
Grab that tiny trimmer – run it around my hairline and sideburns SUPER light. Barely touches skin, just shaves the fuzz. Takes 20 seconds tops. If I screw up? Shout for my wife to fix it while she sighs dramatically.
Rub that matte paste between palms ’til it’s warm. Rake through the top – only front half! Let the back do whatever it wants. No combing after or it gets crunchy. Secret move? Blow-dry for ten seconds max while scrunching with fingers. Gives that “I woke up perfect” lie LeBron sells.
Every third day, I run the trimmer lightly over my scalp to murder any baby hairs trying to ruin the sharp edges.
Honest Results
After two weeks? My edges stay cleaner than before. But let’s be real – still catches strays when I oversleep. Biggest win? That putty lasts all workday unless I stress-sweat during meetings. Got one dude at the gym asking if I’d changed barbers. High-fived myself later in the locker room.
Still can’t dunk though. Maybe next month’s project.