Alright y’all, buckle up because I gotta tell you about my weekend drive from Dallas to Oklahoma City. Thought it’d be a smooth, scenic cruise. Boy, was I wrong.
The Grand Plan Falls Apart Immediately
Left my place in Dallas super early Saturday, coffee in hand, high hopes. Pulled up this fancy list online promising “fun stops & scenic points.” First stop was supposed to be this charming little town square just outside Denton. Got there, found two sad stores boarded up and a sign half peeled off. Parking lot was hotter than asphalt in July – because it was July. Grabbed my camera… snapped a pic of despair. Fun stop? More like sad stop. Took maybe five minutes before I peeled outta there.
Things Got A Little Spicy Later
Trudged on towards Oklahoma. Found this “scenic overlook” point my list swore by. Drove 20 minutes off the highway down some gravel road that shook my fillings loose. Finally saw it – a dusty parking area overlooking some scrub brush and a beat-up gas station in the distance. Scenic? Nah. Saw more scenic views looking into my neighbor’s yard. At least the silence was deafening. Tried to eat my packed sandwich. Ants thought it was their picnic. Had a standoff. They won. Ate gas station jerky instead.
Oklahoma Welcomed Me Loudly
Crossing into Oklahoma. Whoopee. Thought things might look up. Saw the sign for the “World Famous Tractor Museum.” Sounded weird enough, right? Pulled off. Place was closed. Sign was faded. Peeked through a window. Saw one tractor collecting dust. Definitely world-famous… for being tiny and closed. Took a selfie with the CLOSED sign. Highlight of the museum visit. Met a local walking his dog outside. Asked if it was always closed. He just laughed and said “Pretty much, son.”
The Final Act of Madness
Rolled into OKC starving. Found this BBQ joint my list claimed was a “can’t miss.” Smelled amazing driving by. Got inside. Place was packed full of rowdy folks celebrating something loud. Stood there for ten solid minutes while three staff members looked right through me. Nobody asked if I was waiting. Nobody acknowledged my existence. Tapped my foot. Coughed. Made eye contact. Nada. Felt like a ghost. Finally just yelled “IS THIS HOW YOU GET SERVICE HERE?” Some guy eating ribs yelled back “First time?” Yeah. Last time. Walked out. Ate tacos from a truck instead. They were glorious.
So Here’s The Deal
- Scenic points listed? Maybe by 1950s standards.
- Fun stops? More like exercises in disappointment.
- Plan for spontaneity? Prepare for nonsense.
Would I do this exact drive again following some rosy list? Buddy, I’d rather get a root canal. Next time, I’m staying home and watering my cactus. Less adventurous, but way less frustrating. My camera roll is full of evidence of how badly these “stops” sucked. The only truly scenic view? My driveway when I finally got back.
