Okay so let me tell you how I stumbled into this royal run nonsense yesterday. Woke up thinking, “Hey, a ‘royal challenge’ sounds fancy! Probably some quick jog app thing.” Downloaded it straight after coffee, big mistake right there.
The Grand Plan vs My Dumb Reality
Saw the intro screen flashing “Run 2km Daily! Earn Golden Coins!” Thought, “Piece of cake!” Grabbed my busted old sneakers, skipped stretching like an idiot, and just bolted out the door. First dumbass move: forgot my phone armband. Spent half a block juggling the stupid phone like a hot potato.
- Made it 500 meters before my side started cramping hard
- Saw some dude walking his turtle passing me
- Tried sprinting past a trash truck and almost inhaled garbage fumes
Fighting the App (And My Own Laziness)
Got back wheezing, opened the app expecting shiny rewards. Nope! Red text screaming: “YOU RAN 1.1KM. GOAL UNMET.” Cheeky app even showed a frowning crown emoji. Absolute insult! Reloaded it three times, yelled at my cracked screen, nothing. Finally noticed the tiny tracker line wasn’t straight—turns out I wobbled around like a drunk pigeon.
Next day, actually planned like a grownup. Measured a 2km loop near my apartment on Google Maps (shoutout to Mrs. Lee’s bakery as halfway point). Key upgrades: duct-taped my phone to my hand (classy!), drank actual water beforehand. Even did that weird leg swing stretch my nephew showed me.
Victory (Sort Of)
Started slow like a grandpa, phone clamped tight. Hit Mrs. Lee’s smelling like fresh buns—did NOT stop. Legs burning near the end, but somehow shuffled past my building’s garbage bins. Crossed the finish line (my chipped mailbox), opened the app… “CONGRATULATIONS ROYAL RUNNER! 2KM COMPLETE!” Reward popped up: 5 lousy digital coins. Enough for a virtual keychain. Laughed like a maniac right there on the sidewalk. Neighbors probably think I’m nuts.
So yeah, royal challenge my butt. Felt more like a circus act. But hey, got a keychain in some fake castle. Gonna try again tomorrow… after buying actual running shoes. Maybe.
